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Copyright 2011

  1. Queers should marry one another to extol every tangible and intangible benefit the institution provides.
  2. Get a gun and learn how to shoot. It's as much about arming bears as it is bearing arms. If you think we're protected by the Constitution, think again. If they don't allow us to marry, the next amendment will be to deny queers guns.
  3. Reclaim Jesus. He was a queer. Hello!
  4. Normalize - Thwart fashion and style sense inclinations so that homophobes cannot separate us from straights.
  5. Hate Crime laws are just the beginning. Once those are passed either federally or in all 50 states, begin campaigning to eliminate homophobia entirely.
  6. Penetrate the sperm banks to perpetuate the gene.
  7. Lie about your sexual orientation when giving blood. Queer blood is God/Goddess’ blood.
  8. Alternatively, set up blood banks for queer blood only. For us queers by us queers (FUQBUQ).
  9. Sneak gay subtext into every book, magazine, newspaper, movie, video game, TV show or other media that you have access to.
  10. Preserve DNA samples to be used for cloning purposes.
  11. Join the military and rise in the ranks.
  12. Join and infiltrate the Boy Scouts, Southern Baptists Churches, Ku Klux Klan, Promise Keepers, Catholic Church, American Family Association Alliance Defense Fund, American Family Association, American Vision, Chalcedon Foundation, Christian Action Network, Concerned Women for America, Coral Ridge Ministries/Center for Reclaiming America, Family Research Council, Family Research Institute, Focus on the Family, Summit Ministries, and Traditional Values Coalition.
  13. Recruit straight men and women. We're accused of it anyway, so we may as well give the accusation legs. And remember, when push comes to shove, a six-pack or a joint goes a long way.
  14. Bombard the Federal Communications Commission any time anything remotely offensive to queers is on the airwaves. Let's keep them really, really busy.
  15. Create facilities that recondition homophobic deviancy.
  16. Turn the queer lifestyle from a cottage industry into a multi-billion dollar cash cow.
  17. Heterosexual public displays of affection can be confusing for queers. There should be no hugging or physical touch between heterosexuals in public places. Brief handshakes or a brief affirmative hand on a shoulder is okay.
  18. Any literature or educational material in any school or public library should display warnings if they contain heterosexual content.

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